This Porch Pirate Was a Pooch

porch pirate max the dog

‘Tis the season…for so-called porch pirates, unfortunately. These thieves come out from under their rocks at this time each year to steal packages that don’t belong to them.

To deter porch pirates, some savvy pet owners have filled empty Amazon cartons with dog poop. And thanks to doorbells with video cameras, many porch pirates are getting caught in the act — including a thief in Oklahoma named Max.

When a present sent from her sister in California went missing from her Shady Point porch, Debbie Goines checked the video footage from her doorbell camera. Sure enough, she spotted the porch pirate. But in this case, the thief was what Goines called a “pooch pirate.”

It was her neighbor’s Great Pyrenees, Max. The big ol’ fluffy dog casually walked onto her porch, sniffed the package (which happened to contain jerky snacks and other foods), picked it up with his mouth and then wandered back home with it.

When Goines’ asked her neighbor about the package, its remains were found in the neighbor’s yard: the torn-apart carton and an unopened bottle of olive oil.

“I assume Max just ate what he wanted and buried the rest,” Goines said, according to a KABC report.

“He just smelled the jerky and said, ‘This has been delivered to the wrong house!'” Goines said, which sounds rerasonable.

Max’s owner offered to pay for the lost goods, but Goines refused. Apparently no charges were filed against the pooch pirate, but according to the news report, Max is currently in “doggie detention.”

Is it a coincidence that the Grinch’s dog was also named Max? Perhaps not. Speaking of the Grinch, last week a therapy dog for the Franklin Police Department in Massachusetts was caught red-pawed stealing toys from a donation bin at the police station. The toys were supposed to be given to children in need, not needy Golden Retrievers.

Like Max, this four-legged thief, whose name is Ben Franklin, will not be charged with any crime.

“We learned an extremely valuable lesson today,” the Franklin Police Department wrote on its Facebook page Dec. 18. “When you have a classroom full of toys ready to be shipped off to the Santa Foundation, you should…

1. Close the door to the classroom


2. Keep the toys elevated.”

Photo: Good Morning America/YouTube

Laura Goldman

I am a freelance writer and lifelong dog lover. For five years, I was a staff writer for i Love Dogs. When that site shut down, I started this blog...because I STILL Love Dogs!